I really hate this. I thought I found a community where maybe I could relate to at least one other person like me but instead I just find myself feeling ridiculed. Where I'm having issues with small things in the church and just following "commandments" others of the community were only having issues with teachings of the Gospel.
Not that I feel like their issues are not important in the least, but I feel like I'm not important, like my issues aren't important. Compared to some issues, I feel like mine could be miniscule, but I still find it an issue and a struggle to deal with every day. I was given advice from one person who advised I just do what I think is right and follow the path of the church. Ya, because if it were that easy I wouldn't be going to a community site looking for help. I'm feeling alone and want comfort. I need encouragement, and I'm not getting anything.
I'm just ready to break down and cry. There's only so much I can take on right now. I want to change, I really do, but that requires throwing away pretty much everything about me and my life right now. It's not exactly easy to think about having to completely start over. To scratch plans for yourself so that you can be something new.
I just feel so belittled right now and it's hard for me to deal with. I just want someone to understand and be there for me and to help me through this.
Although I'm not in the same situation as you - I can relate to how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI see you follow my blog so you know I am a gay Mormon. When I first accepted myself as gay, I sought out other gay Mormons. What I initially found were only those who were very bitter against the church. I even had a couple of offers to engage in some gay hanky panky which scared the hell out of me. As one who desired to remain active in the church, I was feeling like some sort of freak of nature.
Fortunately, I was able to find others like myself who were able to support and uplift me (and I, hopefully, did so in return). I also found others who had chosen a different path but supported me in my desired path.
I truly hope and pray you are able to find the support you want and need.
FWIW, my daughter married a non-member who grew up without religion and saw little need for it. Last year I baptized him.
Thank you for the uplifting comments. It really did take some time for me to not feel so hurt about something like "not being accepted".
ReplyDeleteI'm still uneasy about how my life is going but I'm trying to take things one step at a time.
The last couple of nights were spent digging through old Ensigns and reading talks and articles that I felt that would actually help me right now. It's definitely put me at ease, at least for now.
I should probably feel less stressed about this whole marriage thing. It'll come in time and it's probably something I should really pray about before it happens anyway.
Thanks again for reading, your concerns, and your prayers.